my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
