I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
