We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
