He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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