Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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