OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize