Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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