My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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