i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
