My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
