Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize