you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
