Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
