My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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