thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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