foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
