Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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