i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
