I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
