when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
