i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
