You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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