youre lurking in front of me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
