Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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