there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
