If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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