I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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