Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She bit a glass in half.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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