The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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