everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
