I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
