All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
