Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're like the curious george of whores
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
