Dual....:-)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
