yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
