we made out on top of his cat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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