Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
