I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
