Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
