He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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