well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
