You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
