I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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