But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
