I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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