counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
