really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
