we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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