If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
