He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
