I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
