Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
