After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
