oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize