During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Boobs speak an international language.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
