He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
