Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
