margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
