No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
