he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
