I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
