shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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