Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
