Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
