The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
