I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
