from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize