Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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