please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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