i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
