This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
