Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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