i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
