oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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