Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
