My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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