is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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