Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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