Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
