Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
