i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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