and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
