ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize