My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
