I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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