awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
