stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
