I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
