I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize