im having a threesome with these popsicles
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
