Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
