I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
