i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
