First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
