youre lurking in front of me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
