If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
