if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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